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Gale Skreev'kyr
06-04-2009, 03:37 AM
[23:33] aeridas (aeridas): My cat nearly tripped me at the top of the stares

And so it begins...

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DOG DIARY:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



CAT DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now...

Hans-Erik
06-04-2009, 03:41 AM
Best. Post. Ever. My entire family is reading this and loves it. It's so true, every bit of it. We have a cat.

Aeridas Sia'ryd
06-04-2009, 03:46 AM
I really hope this is not what my cat thinks. :( I thought he loved meh!! *cries*

Gale Skreev'kyr
06-04-2009, 03:50 AM
Best. Post. Ever. My entire family is reading this and loves it. It's so true, every bit of it. We have a cat.

Haha, I'm glad they like it.

I really hope this is not what my cat thinks. :( I thought he loved meh!! *cries*

There there ner vod, you can always get a puppy!

http://www.peacockshock.com/archives/mini%20schnauzer%20puppy-thumb.jpg

Aeridas Sia'ryd
06-04-2009, 04:03 AM
There there ner vod, you can always get a puppy!

http://www.peacockshock.com/archives/mini%20schnauzer%20puppy-thumb.jpg

That puppy needs an ewok hat. >_>

Gale Skreev'kyr
06-04-2009, 04:06 AM
That puppy needs an ewok hat. >_>

ANIMAL CRUELTY!!!

Tajos Tal
06-04-2009, 04:08 AM
http://blog.davidwolnik.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/ewok.jpg

Gale Skreev'kyr
06-04-2009, 04:11 AM
He is plotting his revenge...

Verden Fel
06-04-2009, 10:31 AM
http://blog.davidwolnik.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/ewok.jpg

Note its expression. Does it like being an ewok? I doubt it.

Darim Valen
06-04-2009, 01:11 PM
Did you write it Gale? If so, great work! :D

You should write more.

Gale Skreev'kyr
06-04-2009, 02:58 PM
Did you write it Gale? If so, great work! :D

You should write more.

Oh man I wish I could write something that funny. No this was an email from a cat lover I got a while back. I saved it because it was just too funny to delete.